I used to get stuck since I was a teenager. I did orienteering (you know, running in a forest with a map trying to find a number of check-points…) I was really good at picking the muddiest and thorny patches of the forest coming back completely covered in mud with bleeding scratches from raspberry bushes.
But this was nothing compared to Uganda. I lived in the northeastern part, Karamoja, which was like Africa 2.0. When the rainy season came, the dry black soil turned into muddy rivers. To have a picture, imagine a muddy river with trucks stuck all over it. The drivers camping and cooking alongside the road (we are talking days, not hours!). I remember pushing our land-cruiser without shoes (who would want to wash them?!) mud above the ankles, mud on my glasses, and in my hair.
After a couple of years, I went to work in Mongolia. I thought I was done with pushing the landcruisers while stuck. I was wrong. I remember one winter day, in the far east region of Mongolia, near China, where the paintings of Stalin were still decorating the schools and tractors and red stars were on old pedestals, we were driving back to our hotel. And got stuck in freaking snow! It was dark, about – 32°C, it made me scared to be honest, thinking we might spend a night in the middle of freezing nowhere.
And sand? Western Zambia. The advice: keep the hoe in your car, keep a carpet to put under your tire, and have a satellite phone (and be ready to look for sticks!).
Did all this prepare me for being stuck in relationships? Hardly. Or maybe. In fact, I think it did. It did prepare me in terms of not giving up and keep digging, because you just have to come out at some point. It didn’t prepare me for feeling terrible in those moments. That’s just a part of it.
I’m not sure if you experienced being stuck in the mud, sand, or snow, but I am pretty sure you may have been stuck in your relationship at some point. It’s normal. It doesn’t make you a bad person. As I learnt to carry a hoe and carpet, I also learnt how to unstuck myself from a sucky situation in the relationship.
This is what I have talked about in the latest video I created for you. I have four strategies how to get unstuck that work for me. The first one is really knowing the WHY. As I know why I the heck i need to keep pushing in the crazy bud in the middle of Africa, the same applies to knowing why to “push” in the relationship. You can watch the episode here.
Id love to hear where are you stuck right now, let me know here in the comments or DM me on Instagram.
In July I will be hosting a workshop that will help you too to get unstuck! You’ll learn how to stop responding in fear and anger and respond in a loving way instead. This will release you from the stuck head on moments you might be experiencing. Grab your free seat here!