Are you in the middle of decision that has been dragging for days, weeks, months or even years?
Are you paralyzed by the uncertainty of the outcome of each of the options?
Do you have so many “What-ifs” in your mind that you are stuck in one place not being able to take that decision?
I know how frustrating and painful this is. I have been going through one of these decisions recently and my own process and reflections gave birth to this episode.
Ready? Let’s dive in!
Recently, Instagram has been on my mind. I always said that my relationship with Instagram is love and hate, but probably more on the hate side. I tried really hard on Instagram for a year at the beginning of my business career. I spent hours and hours being consistent with posts, stories, going live… No result. To be completely honest, I did not get a single client from Instagram.
One year of consistent posting and a second year of inconsistent posting goes by and my business friend offers me an Instagram Audit. She does an amazing job and gets me excited. We start working together, I hire her to make my reels and help me with the content strategy, while I focus on the copy. Three months in, I’m exhausted and demotivated. The account is not working. The amazing reels with the great content are getting 97 views. I mean – really Mark?!
I cannot remember what sparked the first thought of leaving Instagram. Probably it didn’t really sink in at the first moment that I could really leave the platform. What, completely leaving Instagram? After 3 years of focus, time and money? After having almost 600 posts?
I started weighing the options and I felt lost. I was in this whirlwind of quite a difficult decision for me.
And my guess is that you might be in the similar situation. It can be decision about leaving your job or changing careers. It can be about leaving a long-term relationship. It can be about moving cities or countries.
You have two options and you kind of know which one you prefer, but you are scared of taking that action. Because of “what-if”.
What if I give it more time and we finally figure it out?
What if I leave what could have been possibly the best job or relationship?
What if I was about to make that reel that would go viral and make my account grow?
What if I’m giving up all this digging just one inch away from the biggest gold vein? (True story btw, check out Napoleon Hill!)
Let me flesh out the 2 main reasons holding you back from taking the decision:
- Fear of unknown
- Fear of giving up too early, just before hitting the jackpot
Both of these fears are natural.
As humans, we gravitate towards what is familiar, even if it doesn’t serve us (I talked about this in the coaching insight, episode 30, I’ll link it for you in the show notes).
And the decision whether to give up because we are digging the wrong place or to keep going because we are just about to hit the gold… that’s one of the toughest I came across.
The thing is, with both of these fears, we have NO WAY OF KNOWING what the right decision is and what will each decision result in.
So we have to accept it.
Now we need to look at the bigger picture. We need to look at how we want to live. This has to do with what is important for us, in other words, our values.
As I was pondering the Instagram decision, I was journaling, jotting down my thoughts, writing down the plus and minuses, talking about it with my husband and my social media business friend, writing down what I love and what I hate, I stumbled on a different decision I had to take about 7 years ago.
My break-up with my ex-husband.
It may sound crazy to compare a business strategy decision with a relationship one, but honestly, the anatomy of both of these decisions was the same for me.
It took me 2 years (yes, 2 freaking years!!!) to break up with my ex-husband. During these 2 years we got married, we moved a country, we took a break, we came back, I tried to fix myself and fix the relationship and I truly believed it can be done. I have done lots of non-sense that just hurt him and created some extra emotional luggage for me.
The main dilemma was: What if I am leaving the possibly best relationship? What if we are just on the brink of making it happen and having a wonderful life together?
In the beginning, I wanted to fix it. As time went by, deep inside I realized I didn’t want to be in that relationship, but I was scared to take the step. Why? Because of the fear of unknown and the “what-ifs”.
If you are experiencing this now, I want you to know that I know that this is hard. To the outside world it can seem selfish to make so much fuss about a decision. But it is hard. That turmoil you’re in. No matter what others think.
I have been there and I know it is really really hard.
Let me circle back to what I said a few minutes ago. When we have no way of knowing what the right decision is and what the alternative results might be, we have to use what we have.
Looking at the bigger picture and how we want to live our lives.
When deciding about Instagram, another of my favourite go-to tools is a consultation with my elder wiser self. I sat and visualized the visit with the older wiser Zuzana, the coach and person I will become.
I saw that social media has no significant space in my life as a human and a business owner. I got clear on what I want and what I don’t want.
I’m not interested in being an influencer, I want to have a thriving, full 1:1 coaching practice. I want to have a steady stream of clients who come to me based on referrals or because of my (future) book. My coaching practice is fully booked, I charge fees that allow me the lifestyle I want and my clients get amazing coaching and results. I have time for my husband, kids and grandkids, for being alone reading books, planting flowers or travelling. My days are tranquil and I have the schedule I created that really works for me.
In all this, there’s no space for the rush and distraction of social media.
As a coach and person, I strongly believe that we have more power than we usually think in starting to create our future goals now.
I’m not going to wait 20 years to get to this ideal I just described. I’m determined to start creating it now.
I already started by clearing my 8-10 am hours just to have space to think, read or focus on the deep work. No calls, no clients, no “have tos”.
Looking at where I want to be in future and finding ways how to start creating it now helped me to realize that there is no space for Instagram.
I don’t want it.
I don’t want to be recording every coffee I get.
I don’t want to be recording every outing or activity with my son or husband because it would be great reel material.
I don’t want to have fragmented days because I have to post stories.
The decision was made. I’ll leave Instagram.
Is it easy? No. The ton of time I spent there and the amount of content I created.
Did I quit just before hitting that viral reel I was waiting for? Maybe. No way to know. But even when coming to think of that, I still don’t want to be recording every cappuccino I have. So I’ll take it.
Does it feel good? Yes. It feels really good. And in a sense, it feels liberating too.
Ask yourself these bigger questions how do you want to live, now and in future, and see what comes up. Here are another 2 perspectives that I find really helpful when it comes to these types of decisions.
One. Look back if you experienced a similar situation in the past. Now you have the luxury seeing it with the distance time created. Now you can see the answers and the outcomes you didn’t see then.
In the case of my break-up, it’s obvious. I’m happily married, we clocked 7 years now together and have a wonderful 4-year old. It was not a mistake and it turned out this decision got me into really good spot. Yes, I could have more money or have more travels in my life, but it feels not significant enough to regret my decision.
Looking back gives us the resources we can build on now. We have done difficult decisions in the past and we can do it again.
And if your decision in the past didn’t turn out as you hoped or expected?
That takes me to the second point.
If you approach the situation with our “Sage” mindset, you can never go wrong. The Sage perspective is about believing that whatever happens, be it positive or negative, is an opportunity or gift.
This is the belief that we are always at a point in our perfectly written novel with a wonderful ending. Everything leads to something and is part of our story. Even if we do not see the sense out of it yet.
Here we are. This is what I wanted to share with you today.
Btw. I really enjoyed putting the imaginary pen to the paper and writing this episode for you. And for myself.
Btw. That’s why I decided to stick with my podcast as the main way I share my thoughts and experience with you – because I love it. My favourite thing is writing the script, putting out all my thoughts and not being limited by the social media formula: quick and catchy. I love that I have enough space to share with you fully, and not only that. Writing this serves me too. It clarifies my thoughts and helps me see clearly what has been perhaps unclear in my head, until a few hours ago. So thank you for this, I appreciate you being here.
Thank you so much for listening to Screw Being Unhappy. This episode comes from something deep in me – if you know somebody, who is going through a hard decision and could use what I just shared, please share this episode with him or her. You’ll make a difference for someone you care about.
Remember I’m in your corner and I believe in you, cheering for your amazing dreams, because you can do it. Let’s say together Screw Being Unhappy, because happiness is our choice. Let’s go and let’s do it! Until next time, Zuzana
